Mom Separation Anxiety Is Crazy Making!
This little one right here melts my heart. As all moms know, there is nothing you wouldn't do for your precious little babies, but mom guilt is real and so is mom separation anxiety. We have all heard about toddler separation anxiety which is a valid developmental stage. There are also developmental stages in the journey of motherhood! I am sure I will look back in ten years and think 'what on earth was I stressing about!' but for now, it is really challenging to keep my mind from wandering into thoughts that my child will think I left her because I am on a work trip for two days.
The truth is I have never been away from her overnight aside from one night a year ago for my friends bachelorette party and the only reason I went was because I was the Matron Of Honor and had to be there (sorry Schinal you know I love you, but you know I was stressing!)
Yes in two years, I have never been away, not vacation with my husband, not a girls trip, nothing! If I had a work trip, I brought her with me, even if my husband couldn't get out of work to come with us and watch her while I was working, I found someone who could so that she could be with me. Okay I know I am a bit of a late bloomer in motherhood, she's two for goodness sakes. I should have been able to let go maybe awhile ago but I haven't. Even the times that I had a work event in the evening and was gone much of the day, I was still there the next morning. When I left in the car to the airport yesterday and said goodbye, I tried to explain to her that I would return soon. What does soon mean to a two year old? Well I told her that she would go to sleep tonight and then tomorrow night and then I would be back. I said "do you understand this?" and she nodded her little head. However, when I called an hour later, she said "Mommy coming?" and when I Video chatted with her that evening, she said "Mommy coming? Milk, Mommy." (Yes she is still breastfeeding)
Obviously, she is too young to really grasp the concept of 'I'll be back soon.'
She is with her daddy who she is very securely attached to and I know that he is very attentive, loving, patient, and a master at redirecting and distracting her. However, I still miss her so much and feel guilty, yet I try to play it cool when I chat with her so that she doesn't feel overwhelmed.
I know this separation anxiety will start and stop and continue into her adulthood. This is nothing compared to people who are sending their kids off to college! My goodness I can't even think about that!!
Okay bye for now..ranting mom is going to bed!